When You Feel
by Arquellania
Summary: The fallen queen and the angel were pawns. The devil was the king. The game of love would turn the Upper East Side on its head. Blair/Chuck/Jenny
1. Prologue

**When You Feel**

**--**

**Summary:** This is near the end of the game of love. The angel was winning and the queen was losing. The devil was the prize.

**Author's Note:** I wrote this in all of…forty-five minutes. So, yes, it might suck. But I haven't put anything out in a while. Plus everyone hates me now, so it doesn't really matter. xD

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Gossip Girl, or the suckfest and horrible dialogue that was Season 2 never would have happened. Here's looking at you, Stephanie Savage!

--

**Prologue**

**--**

_I watched his wildest dreams come true  
And not one of them involving you  
Just watch my wildest dreams come true  
Not one of them involving (you)._

"Misery Business" – Paramore

--

It rained that day. Rain slapped against the concrete, unforgiving and merciless.

The winds of change had come upon them all; the world was turned on its side and the age old adage, "What goes up...must come down," came into play as always. The Upper East Side was destroyed, and building it back up again would be no easy task.

The fallen angel had come to be on top of the world once again. The queen was shaken and her crown dropped and shattered. And the devil? He was rolling the dice, playing the game.

Yes, the game of love. It was simple to play, but no one wanted to lose.

So life went on and game was still played. The angel ventured out, her umbrella protecting her from all that was evil. She was clearly winning, avoiding everything that would make her fall once again. Everything that would make her lose.

The former queen stood in front of her, without an umbrella. She was the winner who had easily fallen. Now she was in the red, losing the game she had once controlled.

"What are you doing here?" The angel spoke first, her voice commanding for her inferior to speak.

"You can't take him." The broken queen was nearly begging. "I _need _him."

The angel was good and she felt for the weak. So she stood there feeling sympathetic for the girl who had once controlled her every move.

"I _made _you," The girl was truthful. Indeed, she had brought the angel to the top, and had administered her fall. "You have taken _everything_ from me. You can have it all. But please, don't take him. He's the only good thing…"

The devil made them both _feel_. Gasp at a sensitive touch, learn to be pawns in the game. He was the king who was looking for his queen. So the angel and the former queen battled. The angel wanted to be queen and the fallen ruler wanted to feel mighty once again.

Yes, the devil was good. He was above all, and he pleasured those who were lucky enough to play the game. The devil was coveted.

So the angel was ready to be convinced. For the other girl was the first to ever love the devil, and was the only one who would always love him. Truthfully, the girl, the loser, she deserved him. But the angel wanted to be worthy of his affection as she was. The angel wanted to feel like the former queen once did.

"Do you love him?" The fallen queen questioned the angel. It was a valid question, but more of a challenge. She was demanding something of her superior, something she knew would be difficult to answer.

The angel doesn't answer. She only believes that the game is complicated, and she wants to love. She wants to be loved by the devil. She wants to _feel_.

The fallen girl has been soaked by the rain, touched by the evil. She is slowly falling into the black, so she begs once more. "I love him. I can't be without him. I can't be _alone_."

The one who lost the game always ended up alone. The angel, who was once meant to be alone, now knew the sensitive touch of the devil. No, the angel and devil weren't meant to be together. It was not written that way. But the angel was anxious to rewrite the story at the queen's expense.

"I can't be alone either," The angel speaks once more. "I want to be with him." So she defies everything that is right in the world; the truth was that the queen was meant to be with the devil, but the angel stood between them and refused to let them be. The angel desperately wanted to defy logic; she wanted the devil and she would push the queen into the black to have him.

"I had him, and I lost him," The girl's voice cracked under the pressure. "You have no idea what that feels like."

Indeed, the queen had been with the devil first, and when they were separated, the queen was left more broken than the devil. The angel immediately went to fix the devil, make him love her as he had loved the queen. Although the angel was not nearly as loved, she enjoyed the time she spent with him, for having him was better than losing him.

"I don't want to know," The angel was firm on this. "I can't let him go. I'm sorry."

The angel was the first of the two girls to kiss his lips and was determined to be the last. The angel was not a loser. Not anymore.

And so the girl in the pouring rain stood one last time and said her last words.

"He'll never want you…not like he wanted me."

And as her eyes rolled into the back of her head, she fell into the black and slapped against the concrete; the world was turned on its side.

The angel had won the war.

--

tbc


	2. Blow Out Your Candles

**When You Feel**

--

**Summary:** There were always those people that never celebrated birthdays. Chuck Bass was one of them for obvious reasons.

**Author's Note:** Well, this fanfic will start off with some Chuck/Jenny action. It will probably alternate between the two girls for a while until things come to a head. I hope that someone's actually reading this…

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Gossip Girl. But I wish I did. Seriously, Season 2 wouldn't have existed.

--

**Chapter One – Blow Out Your Candles**

--

**Six Months Ago**

--

_Darling, are you dreaming?  
Are you dreaming of me now?  
Are you screaming?  
'Cause it's such a nightmare now._

Keeping on Without You – This Providence

--

May 18th was usually a rather quiet day for Chuck Bass. The day's importance was only acknowledged in mumbles. There were no gifts from family, no cards left on his nightstand. His friends would offer something small, then leave him in his misery.

May 18th. He doesn't like the day. He usually sleeps and drinks his way through it. Often, there are weak protests from his friends for his uneventful acts, but this year, there is only silence. No one is talking to him. The troubles of romance got in the way of everything that was important to him. So all he is left with is the thump of his heart, acknowledging that life goes on.

He closes his eyes and the black enters. He doesn't dream much. Dreaming is for those who salivate for something important. He once had everything he needed. The friends, the love, and he almost reached the happiness. There was no need to dream.

It is silent for a while. He is unable to fall asleep. There was something missing, or rather, _everything_. There's a knock on his door. His heart's consistent and rhythmic pattern is ruined. He jumps, throws off his quilt, and makes himself presentable before he invites the mysterious person in.

The girl enters with a small cupcake with a lit candle. She gives her usual warm smile and enters his dismal room.

"What's that for?" He gestures towards the cupcake. He's entirely sure about what it's for, but he hasn't been given anything resembling sweets for his birthday since he threw a chocolate cake at his father during a party ten years ago. It was the first and last birthday his father was around to celebrate with him.

"Happy eighteenth!" The girl nearly squeals. Her voice almost pierces his ears.

"Since when do you venture around these parts, Humphrey?" He's talking about his bedroom. She's always known better than to enter the room; usually there's a girl or two enjoying his company. But today she seems completely unfazed by his womanizing ways.

"Well, I've been here since this morning, and you haven't left your room," She says knowingly. "Unless someone snuck through your window. Vanessa's pretty good at that."

He cringes at the sound the girl's name. Mistakes he's made pile on him like a ton of bricks.

"I just thought you might need…a pick-me-up." She continues as she places the cupcake on his nightstand, the light from the candle flickering.

"How did you know it was my birthday?"

"It's all over Gossip Girl. She probably has spies parked outside the Palace watching your every move."

"Don't know why. She should know that my birthday is nothing worth celebrating." He hangs his head low.

"Everyone's birthday is worth celebrating." She attempts to pep him up.

"You don't understand." He uses the line that every other Manhattan teenager does.

She refuses to surrender. "Maybe I don't," She clucks her tongue. "But you still deserve to have a good time."

"Staying in this room makes for a good time," He mutters.

"Speaking of," She's determined to continue the conversation. "I don't want you to move out."

He looks up at her. "I have no choice. I can't be around you, given what I've done."

"It doesn't matter anymore," She reasons with him like a patient parent. "Plus, let's face it. My living experience would be a little less colorful without you."

"That is true." He gives her his trademark smirk.

"So you'll stay?"

"Fine."

"And…could you do one more thing for me?"

"What?"

"Blow out your candle and make a wish."

He always thought the idea of making a wish was preposterous, but he owes the girl a few favors.

He blows out the small flame and stares at the smoke that it becomes.

"Don't tell anyone what you wished for," She whispers like a child. "Or it won't come true."

--

tbc


	3. Promises, Promises

**When You Feel**

--

**Summary: **Those three little words meant everything to her. Now they could have everything.

**AN: **Here's Chapter Two! So, it's time for the Chuck/Blair action. Hopefully you'll enjoy this one; it has lots of fluff as a reward for sticking through all the angst later on. **Be sure to vote on the poll on my profile! I really need your votes to see what else I'll be writing this summer.**

**Disclaimer:** Sadly, I don't own Gossip Girl. Hopefully the powers that be will bestow it upon me someday.

--

**Chapter Two – Promises, Promises**

--

_Where did it come from and where does it go?_

_If it were right in front of me, would I know?_

_(Love, love, love.)_

"Season of Love" – Shiny Toy Guns

--

"I love you too."

When he finally said it, It was like a stab in the gut. Those very few seconds as her lips curled up into a smile, and she finally pressed them against his.

And as he repeated those three words until she was satisfied, he finally felt at peace. The world had stopped spinning and he could live in this moment, one he wished would never end.

They were finally _something_, and honestly, there was something amazing in that.

Yet, he had to question everything. It all seemed surreal, as if he was dreaming. Like it could all disappear in one blink.

_Is this really happening?_

"Yes," She whispers. He isn't sure if he said that out loud or she just knew what he was thinking at that very moment.

All he can do is smile. He hasn't smiled like this for a long time.

--

He's left with her, staring into the void that is summer. They're ready to dive into everything, discover what love is truly about. They're ready to start believing in fairytales and stories with happy endings.

He kisses her shoulder and she giggles. He loves the sounds she makes, the way she can light up a room. The way she led him out the dark.

This summer was about new beginnings. It was about having high hopes for the future.

This summer was about _them_. And this time, he wasn't going to screw that up.

She meant too much to him.

--

It's the first comfortable silence he's been in for a while. All he can hear is her small movements as she rests in his arms.

He whispers those three words in her ear again, and her eyes flutter open.

"I'm never going to get tired of hearing that." She still has a smile on her face.

"I'm sorry for this year, Blair." He gives her his formal apology. "I put you through a lot."

She gives him a small kiss. "And I wouldn't trade this past year for anything."

He furrows his brow. "Why?"

"Because I wouldn't be here with you."

And that's all he needs. He silently promises never to break her heart again.

--

They have very few words for each other. They've done quite a bit of talking over the past year, and now, there's nothing left to talk about.

They'll discuss summer plans and their relationship when it doesn't feel like a dream anymore.

For now, they'll both remain on their high, where nothing can touch them. They'll stay safe for these few precious hours. There is no hurt. There is no pain.

There are only those ruby red lips and that devilish smirk.

All is right in the world.

--

"Can it just stay this way?" She whispers. "Can the real world just…disappear?"

He doesn't answer but he wishes that it could.

"Promise me something." She says.

"Anything."

"Promise me…that you'll never forget about me."

He kisses her in response.

"Don't worry, Waldorf. You aren't that forgettable."

She lets out a loud laugh as her lips press against his once again. He always loved her laugh.

--

tbc


	4. On the Front Porch

**When You Feel**

--

**Summary:** Chuck is obviously embarrassed by how much he loves summer. Jenny doesn't understand why.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Gossip Girl or it would be more of a convoluted mess than it already is.

**AN:** This fanfic is taking such a long time to write! The good news : I've got a tentative outline of how this story will go. The bad news: It's probably going to take a while to write. But I'm hoping to get chapters for this story out at a decent speed, though. **I need someone to help me out with the outline for this story and a few others. Just let me know it's a decent plot and everything. So, if you're interested, let me know!**

--

**Chapter Three – On the Front Porch**

--

_Do you remember, or should I rewind?_

_To that summer when you caught my eye._

_I played it cool; the weather was hot._

_You had the beauty and the beach on lock._

"Summertime" – New Kids on the Block

--

Chuck Bass loved summer.

Not that he would ever admit it.

No. All he did was complain about the humidity and drink at air conditioned bars.

But today, he pretended to sulk on the front porch of the van der Woodsen-Bass-Humphrey mindfuck of a Hamptons house.

Blair was out shopping with Serena. Lily and Rufus weren't in the Hamptons. He didn't have a clue where Dan was and he could really care less.

However, he did know that Jenny was around. And somehow, he didn't seem to mind.

He was growing a soft spot for the girl.

Not that he would ever admit that either.

Speak of the Humphrey…

"You're not seriously sitting on the porch all day," Jenny towered over him, one eyebrow raised. "You _must_ have something better to do."

"Sadly, my proper _distraction_ is out shopping with Serena," He sighed as he grabbed the scotch glass next to him.

"How have things been going with Blair, anyway?" She was actually interested in the intimate details of his life. He found it odd. The only one who was ever interested in what was going on his life was his girlfriend.

"Better than they were last summer," He chuckled at that. "I'm surprised we haven't fought yet."

"You give yourself so little credit," She sat down next to him. "You're good for her, you know."

He couldn't tell if he was turning red at the compliment. "Thanks."

"At least someone was able to reform you," She rolled her eyes playfully as she took a sip of her lemonade.

"Chuck Bass is _not_ reformed," He argued. "I'm the same person I've always been."

"Except…without the womanizing, brooding, and with much less sleaze," She counted the eliminated qualities on her fingers. "But otherwise, you're exactly the same."

It was his turn to roll his eyes. "She hasn't changed me _that_ much."

She laughed at that. "You're acting as if it's a bad thing!" She stirred her lemonade with her straw. "I believe Chuck Bass is finally growing up."

He scowled. "Being in a relationship doesn't necessarily entail growing up."

"Stop trying to deny it, Bass," She prodded. "Blair is having an effect on you. You're turning into a lovesick puppy."

"How have you made that deduction?" He was curious.

"This is going to sound _extremely_ corny, but…" She paused for a moment. "I've seen the way you look at her."

He snickered. "You're right. That was corny."

"Shut up!" She shoved him lightly. Her eyes suddenly lit up.

"My, my…I believe we're _bonding_, Chuck."

"I perish the thought." He sipped his scotch.

She did the unthinkable. She snatched the glass from his hand and set it down next to her.

"What'd you do that for?" He questioned incredulously.

"You don't have to ingest alcohol _all_ day, you know," She scolded. "How about some lemonade?"

"I hate lemonade," He sneered.

"I figured as much," She giggled as a light tune filled the streets.

"Ice cream!" She squealed like a six year old girl as she ran towards the truck driving up the street.

Chuck was almost mesmerized by her innocence. She was a sixteen year old girl, obviously, but there was some part of her that hadn't grown up just yet.

She ran back to the porch, two cones in hand.

"Pick a flavor," She gestured towards the two messy cones. One was chocolate, the other strawberry.

"I don't want any ice cream," He refused.

"Well, I can't eat two cones by myself!" She complained. The two cones were still in her hand, begging him to grab one.

So he grabbed the chocolate one.

She plopped down next to him again and began licking the strawberry cone, beaming as she did so.

He stared at his cone for a few moments. It was dripping a bit.

"Well, don't just stare at it!" She laughed. "Eat it!"

He took a lick. It tasted amazing.

It tasted like summer.

"I hate summer," He muttered as he devoured the chocolate cone, trying to hide a smile.

"Give it up the façade, Bass," She saw right through him. "No one hates summer."

--

tbc


	5. All You Chose

**When You Feel**

**--**

**Summary:** Meet Chuck Bass. Chuck is Blair Waldorf's boyfriend. Eleanor Waldorf is Blair's mother. You see the problem**.**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Gossip Girl. Blah blah blah.

**AN:** My writing has slowed as of late, but I'm really trying to get back on track now. Gossip Girl has just gotten really uninteresting as of late, but the last few episodes before the hiatus were pretty good. Anyway, I will try to write more.

--

**Chapter Four – All You Chose**

--

_Come inside; take off your coat_

_I'll make you feel at home_

_Now let's pour a glass of wine, 'cause now we're all alone._

"I Wanna Sex You Up" – Color Me Badd

--

Why did such a pleasurable moment have to become so…unpleasant?

"_Oh my God!_" Blair's shrieked, attempting to grab her clothes carelessly tossed by Chuck's bed.

Completely unaffected, Chuck was still sprawled on his bed, smirking.

"Get dressed!" Blair threw his clothes at him.

"Why do I have to, exactly?"

Blair turned bright red in both frustration and embarrassment.

"My _mother_ just caught us having sex!"

"So?" Chuck was unconvinced. "It's not like our parents believe that we go around preaching abstinence."

"Our parents also don't normally catch us _while_ we're having sex." Blair argued. "Now, _get dressed!_"

"Once again, why?"

"We have to explain ourselves," Blair turned towards the mirror over Chuck's dresser and fixed her hair. "My mother doesn't need to have a horrible first impression of you."

"Eleanor has met me before on numerous occasions," Chuck pointed out. "Why do I have to introduce myself again?"

"My mother knows you as one of my delinquent, irrelevant friends," Blair reapplied her lipstick and buttoned her shirt. "She's never met Chuck Bass, my _boyfriend_."

Chuck froze at this statement. He also turned bright red.

"You see the problem now." Blair smirked in satisfaction. "Will you _get dressed_?"

--

Blair rushed out of Chuck's room, spotting her mother having a conversation with Lily.

"Mother, I-" She geared herself for a long explanation.

"Blair, darling," Eleanor laid a kiss on each of Blair's cheeks. "It's nice to see you!"

Blair composed herself. "You too. But I really wanted to talk to you-"

"I can't talk now," Eleanor brushed her off. "I'll be seeing you at dinner."

"Wait," Blair paled. "You're _staying_ in the Hamptons?"

"Well, for a few days." Eleanor pasted on a smile. "So, I'll be seeing you at dinner. _Both of you._" She glared at Chuck as she turned to make her exit.

Lily glanced at Blair and Chuck after Eleanor left. "I don't want to know what you did to make Eleanor so upset," Lily focused on Chuck. "But you should fix it. And soon." She walked away, leaving Chuck with his now fuming girlfriend.

"My mother probably thinks I'm a whore now." Blair's jaw hardened.

"What does she think of me?"

Blair turned to face Chuck and contemplated this. "I honestly don't know. But what I do know is that you should be terrified."

Chuck gulped.

--

"Why are you helping me pick out clothes for dinner?" Chuck's lips tightened. "I happen to think I have great taste."

"That's not the point," Blair sighed. "You need to refrain from any pastels for this dinner. My mother is not a fan of metrosexuals."

"I am insulted." Chuck placed his hand over his heart.

Blair rolled her eyes. "What about this?" She held up a plain black suit with a plain blue shirt and a plain blue tie. It was all very _plain_.

"It's very monotonous."

"Good," Blair nodded as she handed all of the clothes over to him. "Monotonous is good."

--

Chuck really needed to stop thinking about how hot Blair looked right now. Because he was getting a hard-on. And that just wasn't good.

He leaned in to kiss her, but she raised a finger to stop him.

"My mother is coming over with Cyrus," She harshly whispered. "Compose yourself."

"Blair, darling," Eleanor gave her daughter a strained smile. "And who is this?"

"This is my boyfriend, Charles Bass," Blair pretended as if Eleanor hadn't met Chuck dozens of times before.

"Nice to meet you," Chuck extended a hand to Eleanor, but Cyrus took it instead, shaking it firmly. He pulled in Chuck for a hug. Chuck stiffened, but remembering how important this was to Blair, loosened up and wrapped his arms around the surprisingly strong man.

"Not enough!" Cyrus then proceeded to squeeze the life out of Chuck, lifting him up for a few seconds. Chuck pulled away, astonished.

He extended his hand again, but Eleanor just stared at it. "Right…From this morning." She frowned.

"Blair," Chuck whispered violently. "Help me out here!"

"She can't help you, Charles." Eleanor smirked. "In fact, no one can help you. After I catch you _inside_ my daughter, there's really no help that can get you out of that rut."

Chuck smirked. "If that's the case, Eleanor, then I hope I can be honest with you."

"Chuck, don't." Blair warned.

"Honestly, I can't see why you're surprised, Eleanor," Chuck continued, ignoring his girlfriend. "These days, fornication is perfectly normal. And I can't really understand what you were looking for if you knew your daughter was alone with me in my room…with the door closed."

Eleanor stiffened for a moment, grinding her teeth. In that moment, Chuck saw Blair. He restrained himself and held back his snickers.

"Well, Blair," Eleanor finally spoke. "I have to say that I approve."

Blair eyes lightened up. "Really?"

"Well, I have to," Eleanor smiled genuinely. "Anyone who can match up to me in wit is definitely worthy of dating my daughter."

Cyrus glanced at the three of them, grinning stupidly.

"It's great to meet you, Chuck," Eleanor finally shortened his name and extended her hand.

"Same here," Chuck smiled as he shook her hand.

"I'll see you later," Eleanor began to turn away. "Both of you." She walked away, with Cyrus following suit.

"It was great to meet you!" Cyrus yelped as he was walking away.

"So," Chuck began once they were gone. "Why were you worried?"

Blair rolled her eyes. "Honestly? I have no idea." She looked down. "Uh, Chuck, sweetie…"

Chuck looked down and paled. This was very…unpleasant.

--

tbc


End file.
